To put it bluntly, now middle-aged, I realize I am a very smart person who has been very stupid when it has comes to clothes.
Worse, I have been deliberately and even proudly stupid. I had for decades thought I was somehow above thinking about clothes. I had thought that thinking about clothes was a habit of vain and vapid people, and that I, for whatever reason, didn’t need to.
With clothes I have been alternatively cheap, trendy, secretive, wasteful, extravagant, gaudy, and impulsive. I realize I have, through my spending, supported the wrong stores and wrong products. The sorry state of clothing vendors today is my fault. Now, in my mid 40’s, I look at my collection of clothes as being disconnected from how I see myself. This is a small but relevant area in my life where I have failed.
Let me ask you, then, can one be smart about clothes? To be honest, I hate the term “Preppy.” I never say the word aloud, let alone describe myself that way. When I suggest your blog to others, I apologize for both words “Preppy” and “Muffy”. But most of what it connotes, and all of what you describe, feels right.
So, to make a short story long, can one have a guiding framework for clothes? Do you, Muffy, simply have great taste, in which case I am in trouble because I don’t? Do you work really hard at it, which again I really would rather not? Or are there principles that you can articulate and that I can intellectually defend and work to own myself? Is there a Muffy Manifesto? Can I hope to one day be comfortable with my wardrobe?
I know this is a lot. Thank you!
Here is what I want from clothing vendors, although I realize some of these are more aspirational in many areas than achieved!
- I want to look good, respectable, competent, and gracious. Beyond that, I don't want to stand out or bring undue attention to myself by what I wear; I want to improve the scene I am in. I like simple.
- I want to enjoy clothes if I am in the mood or the occasion requires, but I absolutely don't want to have to think about what I wear each day. I want clothes that are generally compatible with each other.
- I want to buy less over time. I don't want my clothes to look dated (either in my closet or my photographs). I don't want to have to purge my wardrobe of bad choices every few years.
- I don't want to buy something cheap and have it quickly fall apart. I really don't want to buy something expensive and have it quickly fall apart. I want high quality in much of what I have.
- I want my clothes to get better with age. I want a few nicks and tears to be badges of great adventures, and not activate some kill switch and be the end of an item. I want clothes that can be repaired. I want clothes to shift roles as they get older, from going out to working in.
- I am willing to spend more for a good item. I am increasingly suspicious if I don’t have to.
- I don't want my items made in third world sweat shops. I don't want to contribute to environmental disaster. I want a visit to the factory to increase my loyalty not decrease it. I don't want to be deliberately ignorant.
- I want clothes to not get in my way. I want clothes to enable unplanned physical activities, not inhibit them. The best clothes have been designed around meeting the needs of active people, and often for specific outdoor pursuits.
- I want it to be easy to buy clothes in general. And effortless to repurchase clothes I already have and love.
- To get even some of these, I must care more than I want to about the right cut, the right materials, the right construction, and the right colors. I have to plan ahead and even stockpile. I have to learn from others. I have to be on guard for clothes that look right but are not (Why J. Crew is not preppy.). And even, unfortunately, I have to care about the right brand.
- When does an outfit become a costume?
- 20 things that can throw an otherwise classic male ensemble.
- 30 things that can throw an otherwise classic female ensemble.
- Blacklisted Colors
I hope this helps!
23 comments:
Thank you for writing such true, true points. I 100% agree with you that many stores have failed, quality is almost a joke for the less than $35 per piece crowd, and you really do have to hunt for something that is made well.
These points are so true, and so worth remembering in our "throw away" society. As I work to build a wardrobe, I always (try to, at least!) limit myself to purchases that I can see myself wearing in 10 or 20+ years.
I've always enjoyed getting vintage clothes from parents and older friends, and I'd like to be able to do the same when I'm older. It's amazing how well-made, classic clothes will endure.
What and interesting letter and response! I'm assuming the letter was written by a woman, and women's clothes are a different thing from men's, so maybe I shouldn't say anything. But I think I can offer a small piece of advice.
My grandmother represented old New England at its best. She always looked amazing: dignified, simple, elegant. Here's what she wore during the daytime, almost everyday. On the bottom, pants in either light colored cotton (tan, white, pale blue, pale pink, etc.) or dark colored wool (gray, brown, green, burgundy, etc.). On the top, a shirt (blouse?) in either cotton or silk (although hers were more fitted than Muffy's, and I prefer the fitted style, for what it's worth.) She usually wore a simple cashmere cardigan sweater on top of the blouse.
For shoes, I don't really remember. In the summer I think she wore boat shoes for casual days, and low leather pumps (is that the word?) or penny loafers for more formal days. In the winter she wore suede ankle boots or leather walking shoes.
Her accessories were very simple: often a silk scarf around her neck or on her head, and a couple of simple rings and bracelets, and maybe a pearl necklace. She also wore simple pearl earrings.
The biggest contributor to her appearance, however, was that she knew what colors looked good on her and what cut of clothes flattered her. I think this is the most important thing. Find out what colors enliven your face and find out what cuts flatter your figure. Then buy simple, high-quality clothes in those colors and take them to a tailor to have them fitted to you.
My two cents...
Love this list...please forward to Brooks Brothers!
Well done! And astute and decent.
I too detest the term "preppy" with its overtones of pretense, snobbery and social exclusivity (gained primarily by the luck of inheritance).
Muffy in her wisdom -- I mean that with totally sincerity -- has in fact transcended "preppy" into something much better and which could/should apply to many more things -- cars, buildings and in fact whole towns.
Muffy is describing a perspective quite wonderful and ascribing it to "preppy" is, to my experience, dubious.
(No disrespect to those who went to expensive secondary schools, unless warranted.)
I am in my mid-twenties and I am increasingly focused on buying quality clothing. It probably makes me inconsistent with most ladies my age, but I would much rather buy classic, timeless, well-fitting items than anything trendy.
Thank you for sharing your list!
I would add to my guiding principles, "know thyself." I have a totally different lifestyle than Muffy. That means I wear lighter-weight cashmere instead of heavy wool sweaters--including my Bean Norwegian--in my everyday life: wool is great for long days outside in the cold, but unnecessarily itchy and stiff for working indoors. I also avoid outdoors brands like Filson altogether, which to me would feel like dress-up--the activities my clothes are most likely to gesture to are tennis and skiing, instead of birding, farming, or hunting. In my life, many clothes designed for outdoor pursuits would, frankly, just get in the way.
It's interesting how (in the present iteration of my life) the principles laid out here are somewhat in conflict with many of Muffy's past stances on clothing. For example, as a graduate student, I would stand out significantly from my peers and likely bring undue attention to myself if I every day wore khakis and loafers instead of (respectable) Levi's and sneakers. And in my work with low-income clients, I am concerned with appearing ungracious by dressing too "preppy," since to them it may only further emphasize the class and educational divides that often impede an effective working relationship.
Far from demeaning the value of Muffy's principles, I think this just shows that they are (or can be) flexible--which is appreciated because sometimes the site can seem a bit inflexible (not for nothing--inflexibility is a treasured and well-cultivated trait of New Englanders!).
Once you do know what cuts, makers, and sizes work for you, there are untold treasures to be hunted down on E-Bay, my favorite blood sport. ;) Look for NWT, which means New With Tags. The people who put something away for 20 years without wearing it astound me. This is particularly fruitful for anything Vera Bradley.
This was an interesting letter. I still own traditional clothing and shoes purchased years ago, carefully stored and cleaned, and have updated items as time goes on. Trendy fashion and keeping up with what celebrities are wearing has never interested me. Great response, Muffy - you sound so much like me.
@WRJ - Great comment. And I don't think we disagree. For New England Classic ("Preppy") attire, I am specific, not to be prescriptive (dress however you want!), but as a balance to the many vendors and bloggers who have attempted to hijack the term for their short-term benefit.
Very sage advice! I love this bit most of all:
"To get even some of these, I must care more than I want to about the right cut, the right materials, the right construction, and the right colors."
Do the leg work in the beginning, so that you don't have to worry once the clothes are in your closet/on your person. (I still forget this at times.)
The questioning writer is not alone in his or her quandry. I feel personally responsible for contributing to the downfall of several quality brands, which have now become "trendy". In thinking that brand loyalty would simplify decision making, I found myself with a closet full of expensive, non-functional clothes.
Thanks to your blog, Muffy, I am slowly accumulating good clothes again...
A much larger point for discussion some day but I sincerely believe that Muffy is about far more than clothes and that hideous term "life-style" but is about raising consciousness of what is good and decent.
Muffy's Rules are so sage, so important, that I'd suggest re-thinking the whole "preppy" moniker — which to many people suggests frivolity — pink pants and shoes without socks per Clark Rockefeller. (And if you haven't read about Clark Rockefeller, he is no good advertisement for preppy sensibility yet a riveting story.)
Putting it another way: Muffy's deep down values limit their appeal by characterizing them as "preppy." They may (or may not) be values which can be fairly said to characterize a class of people; that's an interesting sociological/historical question. But I suggest that Muffy's Rules will put off a great many people because they are called "preppy," whether true or not. Yes, I've heard of the rich Yankee who wears his (custom-made) shoes for 30 years. But to what degree has that reflected Muffy's sensibilities of modesty and self-effacement? Or just a certain sort of reverse-snobbery too hidden for the hoi polloi to understand?
(The same "anonymous" as back a few comments — Muffy is so right-on and her ideas should be more widely understood. I'd start your "Manifesto" with your Rules and place them somewhere on your page so ythey will not be misunderstood.)
LOVE your response and wish I could say every item in my wardrobe met this criteria. I am working on it!
My main clothing focus goes along with your points on wanting a wardrobe to be timeless and last; as you said, I want to buy less over time (both in terms of quality and style). Sadly, most retailers simply do not offer merchandise which makes this possible.
I live in Texas and our available shopping is much more mainstream; so many independent retailers seem to have been eaten by large box stores who all offer the same (usually poorly made) things. The internet certainly opens up other avenues, but I have to try items on before I can purchase them and really dislike shipping costs : )
Great post! Would love to see what you're liking for spring. Maybe a Spring Catalog 2012 post?
Muffy, how long have you been stockpiling clothes? If one can afford to do so-----I think it is a wise practice.
#1 in your list says it all in my view. I also want to improve the scene I am in and never call undue attention to myself.
Help, please. I need new khaki pants and your's looked so good in the bracelet pictures. Can you update us on brands, colors and styles? Thank you. Maybe do something on spring shoes, also.
I went back and read your "30 things" list and agree with 90% of it. You are SO right that "cap sleeves" are universally hideous on anyone, and I must say so are the "short" sleeves on most contemporary polos. Are you listening, BB, LLB? My favorite seventies-vintage Lacoste shirts (yes, I still have them, they're "barn shirts" now) had a longer, non-elasticised sleeve that came to about 2" above the elbow--flattering on absolutely everyone! Would pay whatever it takes to get some new ones made like these.
Are "Capri" (cropped) pants on your "don't" list due to the fact that they cause the wearer to instantly gain 30 pounds? I would concur! ;)
Further to the great North Face vs. Patagonia poll, don't sell Columbia short--I think some of their products surpass both of the others, and their logos are tiny.
If there is ever a question of changing your blog's name, Muffy, in deference to those who choke on the word "Prep," might I propose "New England Classic?"
How gracious of Muffy not to wince or even take offense at the writer's comment, "When I suggest your blog to others, I apologize for both words “Preppy” and “Muffy”". Muffy is an adorable moniker!
My teenage daughter and I had a conversation yesterday about clothing and the term "preppy" came up. I told her I had never heard the word until well into my adulthood. I also mentioned that when I was her age we wouldn't have called such attire by any name---it was just the normal clothing people wore.
Interesting to hear a few comments echoing the original poster's distaste for the word "preppy." I share that distaste--I can't help it. For those of us raised in the 1980's and outside of the upper-middle classes, "preppy" is too closely identified with spoiled rich kids who adopted the superficialities of the style in question, without any of the values that Muffy's endorsing. Fairly or not, the word may have been brutalized beyond repair.
I identify with the letter writer and love your list!
I am a mom to four boys and live in Wisconsin. Most of the year I need warm clothes that wear well. I don't want items that are ruined forever with a drop of water (or juice!), are made of flimsy materials, are tight and/or low cut, or are made from synthetics. I do want "to look good, respectable, competent, and gracious." It is so hard to find affordable, classic clothing.
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