I was at a dinner party in southern New England the other night and someone casually referred to "my summer house on Nantucket." In fact, his in-laws have a time-share for two weeks each year. It can start young in some families; a few weeks ago, a fourth grader referred to his summer house on the Cape in a report, which was instead a friend's house at which they spent a few days over the course of a few summers. And my mother's neighbor had a needlepoint rug made of a house she rented in Northeast Harbor.
A far too oft used lie is "My summer house in... ".
There are gray areas in ownership and accurate language to be sure. When a grandparents' house is split between three kids, who each had three kids, might you authentically refer to it as "my place", especially if you have spent many summers there? Probably?
In more situations, however, there is a greater differences between the reality and what is later implied. This is the next step up from the day trippers or weekend renters who spend their entire time taking pictures of themselves, if not to outright lie to their online "friends," certainly to actively misdirect with the goal of eliciting envy.
So, when people refer to "our summer house" they may be referring to...
a) Their house...
b) Their parent's house...
c) Their grandparent's house...
d) An aunt or uncle's house...
e) A friend or neighbor's house...
f) Any of the above's time-share...
g) A rented house...
h) A rented room...
i) A stranger's house that looked nice...
...where they...
1) ...Spend endless, carefree summers of sailing and swimming...
2) ...Spent endless summers, but is no longer in the family...
3) ...Spend a week every year...
4) ...Stayed twice...
5) ...Stayed once...
6) ...Drove by, got out to take pictures while the engine was still running...
...with...
A) ...Loved ones...
B) ...Extended family...
C) ...Really extended family...
D) ...Many roommates per bed/bathroom...
...because they...
I) Have a deep connection to and sense of stewardship for the region.
II) Want to siphon off some of the reputation of the area.
Later offshoots of "preppy" get two, richly deserved criticisms. Some people see it as the style of the spoiled and entitled, interested primarily in perpetuating some privileged position by extracting value from everyone else. But today, it is more likely adopted by people who want others to misperceive them as being "carefree, idle rich". The tell for the latter category is not some sartorial or verbal slip, but simply how boring these "authenticity challenged" people inevitably end up being. Liars at best can be highly engaging in the short term but, like a reality television star-du-jour, get trite very quickly.
 |
| In places with history and patina, ownership is more often fuzzy than not. A friend whose family owns a two hundred and fifty acre island in the middle of Penobscot Bay told me she literally sits in the house all summer fearing if she left for any period of time, some family member would come in and take it over. And then there is the house that is owned by one's family, but rented out for the entire summer and the owners only use it for a few weeks off-season. |
138 comments:
Well said. I may have adopted the preppy aesthetic to a limited degree because certain aspects of it appeal to me, but I've never considered stretching the truth to try to impress anyone. Besides being smarmy and unethical, people always find out.
My running joke is "I winter in Staunton and summer in Clifton Forge"...the joke being they're too places nobody has ever heard of, and I do my "summering" at the state park up the road.
*two* Sheesh, did I say that? I'm succumbing to social-media grammar!
When in college, I visited a friend at his familiy's "summer place" in a well-known place on the Cape. Encouraged to drop in anytime. While in the area the following summer I stopped in to find a different group renting. They had never heard of my friend's family and referred me to a rental agent in Hyannis for more information.
Baffling, as my friend and his family were certainly well-credentialled, long term New England preps. I guess they just couldn't resist that one bit of embellishment.
A statement that begins with "my summer place" or "my house in" is always suspect.
I have spent two to three weeks each summer in Eastham. I feel a bond not only with the place, but also with the house-it feels like home.
No one is ever impressed (at least in the longterm) with someone who is not authentic.
HAHAHAHAHA!
Muffy you are a gem, love your sense of humor (even if you didn't mean to be funny).
I will say that I love my 2400 sq.ft. summer home in Highlands Ranch, Colorado. Amazingly, my winter, spring and fall home is 2400 sq.ft. and are also in Highlands Ranch, Colorado.
I think the point here is...if you don't own it, it isn't "your" summer home. N'cest pas?
Good Morning Muffy,
Happy New Year! Thank you for three years of wonderful, informative commentaries.
This is quite an interesting post. This type of mentality (which unfortunately is displayed by many) is the reason why I went through such a period of self-reflection. Who am I? What do I what out of life? How can I help others and still do for myself?... were questions I wrestled with for a long time.
Finding your blog was a blessing because it helped solidify and clarify a lot of feelings and thoughts that were floating around in my head. Your social commentaries have echoed my aunt's (who lived in Suffield, CT for 35 yrs). While you two are from completely different backgrounds, you both have the same down to earth intelligence, grace and good manners that have made it easy for me to learn from.
I'm not preppy, but I have come to analyze and adopt the philosophies of "Authenticity • Stewardship • Graciousness". Being myself is easy, but I must admit that being myself around such people as the "liars" and "haters" can be taxing. It's interesting how these people are quick to become defensive and catty when their thoughts, speech and actions are put under the spotlight.
I think quite a few of us want a more simple, graceful way of life. And we get tired of the loud mouthed, insensitive and condescending people that we’re subjected to on a daily basis. That’s why we love reading your blog Muffy. You are able to say what a lot of us are thinking, but can’t always articulate. I’m looking forward to another year of though provoking entries and beautiful pictures!
I have no idea how I came to find your blog - just surfing on a Sunday morning - but I'm glad I did. We lived for three years on the Main Line (rented! Poor foreign military) and it was a very interesting time from an anthropological view.
I grew up visiting my grandparents summer house - one of 53 grandchildren parented by the 12 children of the aforementioned grandparents. I haven't been back for many years,and it will always be 'my place' in my heart - but out loud??? Absolutely not.
Thanks for this hilarious post--so true!! Harpooning phonies could probably produce enough material for a whole other blog--or better yet, a best-selling book! ;)
When people mention they have a house on "Cape Cod" and I ask "where", they always seem to answer "Chatham". Then when you send them a text "Hey, I'm on Great Western Road doing errands, do you want to get coffee" then the truth comes out. It is usually, "Oh, my house is in Harwich" or "Oh, that was last summer, this summer we are in Cotuit."
Honestly, I really don't care where you live. But it changes how I feel about you, when you are not honest. Natives hate it. (Husband's family emigrated to West Barnstable from Scandinavia in the 1800's)
John, don't be too sure of Staunton and Clifton Forge, I passed them many a time going to Virginia Tech. :) I just can't bring myself to pronounce Staunton the way the locals do though; there is a U in it, by golly!
@Josephine -- Funny! I often forget that we're on the way to a lot of other places. A friend of mine has a son who's a sophomore at Tech this year. And, you're not alone on the pronunciation of Staunton...it confuses everyone! The name comes from Lady Rebecca Staunton, who was the wife of William Gooch, one of the first colonial governors of Virginia. How's that for pretension? :)
I'm just so saddened that people would do this. I'm trying to figure out if there is a Northern California equivalent. Maybe people referring to "their place in Tahoe," and it's a timeshare vs. owning a house?
But a timeshare really is "their place," after all. That seems very different than someone calling a place they rent often, "their place." So I'd agree. If there's ownership, it's yours. And if your extended family owns it, then it's "my family's place."
Anything else is a lie. One can say, "the place we rent every summer." And should say just that, if it's true.
I can't imagine saying "my summer house" if I didn't own one, which I don't. I do own a house two hours from where we live during the week that we go to on weekends, which I love. Howebver, the prospect of owning yet another house makes me shudder (the upkeep, the effort!). I do, however, gratefully rent a house for several weeks on Nantucket in the summer (and am doing so happily again this summer) where I joyfully leave the upkeep and expense to the owners. It wouldn't occur to me to tell anyone that I owned it! Reggie
BOOM! Muffy in da house.
I could go on an on about this, but it will always circle back to me blaming the baby boomers. To be fair, one reason to rent out one's place is because the current generation of neighbors are worthless and/or also rent out their places, and one just can't think of selling the family plot... so it's rented.
Besides, the gears of commerce won't turn themselves, so "taking the summer off" tends not to exist in the way it once did. If you find yourself on an island or a village for the summer, you will find that 85% of those who ARE taking the summer off are not worth meeting.
If you can't paint it, change the curtains, or replace the furniture - it's not yours. If there is no equity, it's not yours. If you can't use it most of the time, it's not yours. It is more like a contract with a hotel. Sounds like someone has a time-share.
Too funny, Muffy. Every year I get a huge kick out of a summer renter in my little corner of maine who puts out two signs in front of his (rented)driveway each summer - one with his last name, and one with his "house name", which of course is totally different from the actual one. Oh well.
That said, I agree with YWP in that "summering" is changing drastically as work schedules do. While my grandparents and parents summered in the traditional sense, I settle for two weeks in July and two weeks in August. And while I don't rent my "summer house", I'd sooner perish than say I summer anywhere.
I love this post! With this sort of person perhaps one could riposte with " I summer in a trailer near NASCAR ?"
Oh, we could come up with some good sarcasm here.
Thank you for a Sunday morning giggle.
This made me laugh until I was out of breath. It is not uncommon here in NJ to rent at the shore for a week or several. I have never met anyone who claims ownership on a rental, but I can see it happening. I wonder what these poor souls do when someone asks for the use of "their house".
Bonnie
My how times have changed. When I was a kid my parents had a second home--it was the family homestead where we had lived before and my dad couldn't bear to part with it. So we used it in the summer and on weekends when possible. A lot of the folks thought we were "uppity" since we had a second place--now it sounds like everyone wants that. Funny!
In a spoof on a Christmas letter that I sent out a couple of years ago, I stated that 'again, we got to spend the colder months in our winter home. Of course, it's also our spring, summer and fall home too.'
I wrote the letter in response to all the larger-than-life letters we had been getting at the time. I had one friend tell me that it was the letter he had always wanted to send but didn't have the nerve.
We have since been 'dropped' from several peoples Christmas card list. Guess they weren't amused.
Love the blog, keep the great posts coming.
Too funny! We hear the same here in Upstate NY regarding "summer camps" in the Adirondacks.
Really, how hard is this?
"the beautiful place we rent in ____________"
"that house we used last summer"
"we like to go to ___________ in the summers" (this one even permits a deliberately vague use of the plursl)
"the time we were in ____________"
"when we visited Nantucket for Pops/Race Week" (I suspect they will not say "the demolition derby")
"my friend Sarah's house, who hosted a houseparty to which I was invited"
Etc., etc. Gracious and accurate. Some a little too boastful for my taste, better used only in response to questions rather than initiating a conversation, but at least they stay clear of lies about the actual ownership of real estate.
As so often, T.S. Eliot sums it up well: "Human kind cannot bear very much reality."
"There are gray areas to be sure. When a grandparents' house is split between three kids, who each had three kids, can you accurately refer to it as "our place", especially if you have spent multiple summers there? "
I may fall into the gray area. (If I were not anonymous, I wouldn't dream of commenting on this, but, I am anonymous). I mean, I think I fall into this area. "House" has been in our family since it was built. Now, my name is on the deed and I pay the taxes, now. I consider it "my house" . I no longer consider it the "family house"; When I move out, and move back to Maine, someone in my family will move in, the deed/title will be transferred into their name. It will be ______'s house then. To all of us, we will then refer to it now, as _______'s house.
My "Camp" in Maine is mine. My name is on the deed. I do not rent "camp". If I had died from cancer, it would go to another family member with a title/deed transfer. I would want them to call it their "camp", or summer house.
I am purchasing a new "house" in Maine. My name will be on the deed/title etc. I will start a new tradition in my family. When I die it will stay in the family. I will set it up in my will that way. It will get passed down to _________. It will then be ______'s house.
This is how we do it. As long as I can remember it's what's been done. I have no idea if it's lying or not. I don't really give it too much thought...until today.
In some cases, a house, or a summer house is left into a "trust" and that trust will have a name atttached to it. I'll use Kennedy as an example. If it's a long line/legacy of Kennedy's, it will be the Kennedy House(Joseph Kennedy Trust), and those that frequent it, most likely refer to it as: "hey, I'm heading up to the house, or dad's place( the original owner and now trust, or trustee, if still living.)" Does that make sense?
In my opinion, if you're paying the taxes, it's your "house", if a family trust, or a landlord is paying the taxes, it is not their house and should refer to it as the family house, "dads, or grandmum's house", because it's left in a trust and paid BY the trust and not them. It's a fun game to play at the summer house with all the family around: "no Cissy, daddy left it in MY name". That sort of thing...
Just my two cents, Muffy.
In my experience, family houses are called by their location - Desbarats, Pajaro Dunes, the Cape, etc.
I have photos of "my summer home" on Mackinac Island, MI and "my weekend home" in Lake Geneva, WI set as my desktop wallpaper on the computers at work. I jokingly refer to them as such when people comment on them. The Mackinac Island house is actually for sale for $2.7 million, and has been for most of the years since I worked on the Island back in college, so I like to think of it more as the power of positive thinking. The Lake Geneva house's original owner had a somewhat similar last name to my own, so I joke there might be a family connection that would allow me to borrow it. I never seriously try to pass them off as my personal property.
My agent finally reached me in Prague. His message, although short and to the point, was vague. He insisted I 'log on' and read the Muffmeister's most recent postings, urging only that I sense, and then unravel, the subtle, but swift, change in her tone. I was surprised to be disturbed, having sworn off the unpolished crowd that devours her blog. But astonished I was. Muffy! I sense snark, nose up, look down for the first time. You have always been crab-like regarding the counterfeit - preps. You have always moved sideways when confronted by humans who are frauds. You indulge them with swooning commentary regarding the next objects they must acquire and lure them with pleasant pictures of places they can never visit.
But now, oh dear, you are mocking them. You are biting the polished, plumb hands that feed you. Those who exit the fast ferry in their Range Rovers for the rental in Sconset, deeply desparate to be invited to THE cocktail party in Town by the investment banker who belongs to their skating club in Far Hills. Muffy, don't let on that you secretly loathe these people. If they didn't buy Barbour there wouldn't be Barbour, for Pete's sake. Please, no more "Summer House" ridicule. Do you want your patrons to actually self-realize?
I thought not. Take care, all. Back to the slopes now at Lipno.
Our family had a summer house for almost 70 years. It was built by great-grandfather and I have photos of my Dad playing on the front lawn as a toddler. It was directly on Lake Huron and had a vast lawn as you entered a long circular driveway. Each entrance had heavy iron gates at the end of a long brick wall. There were gardens in the "front" and even a tall, purple martin bird house. It was surrounded by pines and my cousins and I would fall asleep (co-ed) in one big room to the smell of pine and the gentle waves coming from the lake. We swam, went riding, sailed, played tennis on the town courts. There was no TV...only a radio that got stations from all around the world. When the weather wasn't great, we would go to a movie, read, or play cards (usually cribbage). The parents always had their cocktail hour before dinner and played bridge after dinner. Although it was very big, with a great room and five bedrooms....there was only one bathroom. I can distinctly remember a few sets of false teeth near the bathroom sink and the smell of lit matches (the older relatives covering up something). Since there were so many kids, we had to take an outdoor shower, then take our bathing suits (towels still around us) and hang them on the line. Since we were there in August, my favorite meals involved corn on the cob, sliced tomatoes and fresh peaches. Each of my cousins remembers these magical summers fondly....as the best memories from their childhood. However, the cottage (as we called it...though it's official name with sketched photo on the stationary I used to write friends back home with was Shorelawn) was not owned by my parents. It was handed down to my grandparents and ultimately sold when my grandparents could no longer (in their 80's) manage the place. The only two families who could have purchased it were mine (but, we lived 12 hours away in New England) or one of my Uncle's...but, their family lived only 1/2 an hour away on the water. So, it was sold. Could I say I spent every summer until I was married at my summer house? Someone else would need to answer that one for me.
Ferd, Your sharp wit and keen wisdom were missed during your brief absence. Break a leg!
My other house is called the Craic Shack. And it really is mine.
p.s. I never referred to the cottage on Lake Huron as my summer home because 1. It left the family when I was 22 and I never owned it...and, 2. we always referred to it as the "family cottage" (even though owned first by my great-grandfather and then by my grandfather. There were only 13 cousins, but, all families crammed in there at the same time each year for the decades I spent growing up. Some of the cousins would spend longer periods of time...but, the adults (with the exception of my grandparents), never more than 4 weeks.
Muffy, I'm sure most of your readers are "people who desperately want others to misperceive them as being 'carefree, idle rich'."
Ferd,
I really do "enjoy" your sharp, sharp comments. I believe this post is in the spirit of several other posts, including The Seven Deadly (or at least mildly annoying) Sins of Preppy Dressing; Ego-Food; and When Does an Outfit Become a Costume?. I have always counted on periodic Muffy slap downs, inevitably at the expense of some of her readers.
@Ferd - you know how to paint quite an image. Crablike? Love it! @all - I suppose in the age of Lance Armstrong, people have learned to lie big. And for people in school environments, summer activities must seem like a separate world. But I hate being lied to my face, and then I hate the "just kidding" or "you misunderstood me" defense that comes next.
The timing of this post is funny. I just returned from a wonderful long weekend in rural Vermont (with, gloriously, no internet or cell service) at a 700 acre or so farm that has been in my good friend's family for over 100 years. Since it's now organized as a corporation in which all family members who wish to participate in its management buy in after reaching age 25, I'm not sure how the best way to describe it would be! "I spent the weekend at the farm in which I am a minority shareholder. . . "
Maybe it is my legal training, but I try to be as clear and unambiguous as possible: I go the house my parents rent on Nantucket, the farm my aunt and uncle own upstate, my ski instructor friend's apartment in Aspen, etc. I sort of understand the motivation behind the embellishment you describe, having lived in Fairfield County, where aggressive, bloody, terrifying socio-economic striding is par for the course and there is enormous pressure to be one of the "haves". But I am more apt to downplay or deflect anything that gives off the perception of wealth because it makes me uncomfortable. (Sometimes to a fault: I am fortunate to have a nice watch that I received as a graduation gift, but have been reduced to uncomfortable stammering when someone inquires about it.)
Is the house depicted in the first photo yours/your family's? It is really beautiful.
"If you can't paint it, change the curtains, or replace the furniture - it's not yours."
Anonymous, you've got it right there, may I shake your hand.
I allll-ways referred to our family camp as "the cabin my grandfather built." How tiresome it would be to do otherwise. Maybe that's part of understanding the deal, ie the insatiable longing of the aspirational lifestyle people is so fierce, the empty cup so firmly stuck in emptiness, that the energy it takes to maintain the myth is inconsequential.
I sound like a snot. Sorry.
-Flo
I try not to keep company with people who feel their self-worth is based on their possessions. Lying about it only shows how petty they are. Like my mother-in-law always says "Be sure your sins will find you out!". You can't get away with a lie like that for too long!
This reminds me of a favorite story a friend told me years ago. Her sister lived in Texas and was married one sorry, trifling man. The only thing he ever did was periodically disappear to (literally) pan for gold. He never found much.
Their daughter was a lovely, brilliant young woman who won a full scholarship to one of the prestigious New England schools which was full of WASPY students from old families with a lot of old money. Apparently they didn't quite know what to make of this girl because no one recognized her family name and since this was years before the internet, no one could "google" for info.
When asked what her father did, she (honestly) replied "nothing" so it was assumed she was as wealthy as most of them - just a bit eccentric. By the time everyone realized her family's true situation it didn't matter because she was so smart, popular, and well thought of by everyone who met her.
Sometimes when I'm trying to determine if someone is full of fluff or simply clueless, I think of the above. Maybe there are some people who just don't know the difference?
I'd love to be able to say I summer at "my" place on the Cape. But since it's also called the "Chatham Bars Inn", I might not be able to pull it off.
I loved reading all the comments. But anonymous at 8;04 is probably my favorite. I have no use for those whose self-worth lies in how much money they have and how many possessions they own. How 'tiring' it must be to have to constantly feel like you have to always 'keep up.'
As far as a 'summer home' we don't have one. My goodness, I can hardly keep up with the one I live in everyday, let alone two. But we do try to rent the same one each year when we head out for our vacation. Sometimes we're able and sometimes we have to settle for another one (which is almost always as nice).
I LOVE this!! It reminds me of this quote from a movie I love..."Nice opening line, I like it. Direct, no B.S..." In a nice way too:)
Muffy,
a rather pointed summary of the side effects of the current preppy fad indeed. I suppose Ferd was right in assuming that with this post you must have offended three quarters of your regular visitor crowd. Not that anyone would admit that, of course ...
What surprises me though is that you seem to suggest that an explicit distinction should be made between your items a), b) and c). Maybe this is just one of those „You like potayto and I like potahto” things again, but over here on our side of the pond, in every proper family it would be considered quite inappropriate to make a point of “my house” vs “my parents’ house” vs “my grandparents’ house”, sometimes even “my uncle’s house” – after all, what’s the idea of belonging to a family with a tradition if the house (or the houses, if you are lucky) wasn’t a central part of that shared tradition? Is this different in the USA?
Best wishes,
dE
What makes me gag is when people say they "summer" somewhere that they actually go for a week once a year.
Hey, I know where Clifton Forge is and I even know the correct pronunciation of Staunton. You are among friends, sort of. But I don't summer, in spite of having a summer place. We refer to it as "the cottage." It's on the Outer Banks, which are not to be confused with the Grand Banks, nor do they have anything to do with banks at all.
Anyhow, since my father-in-law passed away, it belongs wholly to the children, some of whom actually go there. We have not been ourselves in two years (which is to say, for two summers). Last summer we did a wedding (whew!), the summer before, we did Britain. I think everyone wants to sell, which will unfortunately knock us down a notch on the scale, I imagine. Pity.
I enjoyed this blog post because I grew up in Metro West Boston and this is actually a very common lie but certainly not the worse lie in the world.
Whenever I meet new people at parties or business meetings, the inevitable attempts at conversation usually starts with "Where are you originally from?", "What do you do?" and finally, "Where did you study?".
Even Harvard is Harvard, professionals are expected to make the distinction between Harvard College and Harvard "Extension". This is where people seem to take pleasure in embellishing their credentials.
Harvard Extension has bare requirements and very reasonable prerequisites, if any. Harvard College is the most exclusive academic institution in the world.
So by dropping the "Extension", I guess I'm meant to be impressed.
I was taught from early on, never to lie, embellish, or otherwise. You are always found out and then you look foolish. Especially nowadays, with the internet, you can find out anything about anybody, i.e., property searches, etc. Just be truthful; lying to people is stressful whereas you have to remember what you told to whom, etc. --Holly in PA
I think you just stumbled into an entirely new "Talented Mr. Ripley" category.
True authentic Preppies would be able to see through the phoniness of "contrived heritage" like Ralph Lauren or J. Crew. Outdoorsy Preppies would think The North Face and up-and-comers like Outdoor Research is a tad too technical and loud for their understated taste. Patagonia or vintage Bean only.
The Governor's Academy is considered a historical Preparatory School but what about the Roman Catholic St. John's Prep in Danvers?
Are gaudy, new Volvos Preppy if they lack the reliability and efficiency of the mighty 240?
Do Preppies have distinguished Brahmin accents like Thurston Howell III or former Mass. Governor William Weld?
Can you be a Preppy if you alter your identity by changing your surname because its more marketable to the shopping mall crowd? See: Ralph Lifshitz.
I wonder what English Aristocrats think of New England Preppies? As distant cousins or plastic imitations?
A friend of mine runs the Private Wealth Advisory Group of a bulge bracket bank. Part of the training in prospecting for new relationships in the ultra-high net-worth group boils down to this marketing credo: "fake it until you make it".
Apparently, Rich Folks have a highly-developed taste in Music, Food, Wine, Literature, the Arts and even Sports. To gain their trust and attention, the goal is to basically pretend to like what they like because in business, people tend to form relationships with who they like.
Part of me wants to vomit in my mouth after writing this but this is the sad reality in an age of excess and fluff.
For some reason, the story reminds me of Jay Gatsby and his bombastic overtures to Daisy Buchanan.
I guess the "Oggsford Man" also has a poorer cousin in the "Nantucket Summer Home Man".
On a different note, remember in the late 1980's or early 1990's, the Globe printed an intriguing story about a Hippy Ex-Con who dug out an underground cabin on the property of Natalie Jacobson and Chet Curtis in Nantucket?
Summer? It's January! Let's talk about where we "winter." Surely someone here does West Palm Beach.
Naturally, all these comments apply only to the ladies, since the men have to stay home and mind the store, so to say. There was a day when they might go off and make extended visits with relatives but that practice probably disappeared before travel by train. For some folks who lived in Washington, their summer place might be in Cleveland Park but travel was much harder then and it was a long time ago.
I was just wondering. Can you be preppy and attend the University of Southern North Dakota?
Muffy - Thank you for your blog. Your posts are a bright spot in my week. This particular post is provocative. It would be nice if it led to self-reflection, and a shift in tack, for some who might prefer to impress than to serve as stewards. On that note I feel compelled to suggest that perhaps ownership claims of land are anathema to conceptions of "stewardship" in any form.
@BlueTrain,
It's subjective and open to interpretation though most purists would agree with Birnbach's list of Preppy Schools in her original Handbook.
For me, State Schools are usually not considered Preppy. I'm not using the term "State School" pejoratively. Virginia has an excellent State School and can easily be viewed as Preppy.
My definition of a Preppy School: A historic, highly-selective academic institution with a core developed around the Classics as a logical extension from the Trivium. Campus should be well organized with sensible proportion between it's natural environment, use of trees and open land, central quad and immaculate libraries with impressive pillars. Students should reflect a certain Conservative, understated style modeled after the English Upper Class Boarding Schools and the Architecture should be stately, Gothic or Classical Revival.
For example, UMass Amherst is definitely not Preppy due to its confluence of this and that. It's buildings are more in line with the heyday of Soviet industrialism. It's students are usually more Progressive, confrontational and given to whatever mainstream Hip Hop dictates.
IMO, these are Preppy Schools:
-The Ivy League
-Bowdoin
-Colby
-Williams
-Amherst
-Vassar
-Georgetown
-BC
-Duke
-Wheaton
-Colgate
-Bucknell
I hate to disagree with a commenter, but if at preppy schools "Students should reflect a certain Conservative, understated style modeled after the English Upper Class Boarding Schools", you can eliminate at LEAST the Ivies, Williams, Amherst, Vassar, and BC, but almost certainly all of them.
Muffy,
I am always excited to log on and find a new post on your blog. I particularly liked your recent post "Dispatch from my Father, Camden WindJammers, 1964". It brings back memories of summering in Maine and going to college there. Yes my family "owned" a Summer Home when we were growing up. Unfortunately, disagreements among the siblings over finances, who got what week/weekend and who had to drive up from Boston to repair something lead to our selling the house. It still is painful to drive by it. However, we still go up to the town and rent for a month. Two of my daughters have had their weddings there and my third will get married there this summer. It has become our "Summer Spot" and that is how we refer to it. Most important is that our friends and acquaintances there (many from childhood) all greet us with, "Welcome Home" or "Its Great that you are back." So no, we do not have a house there nor pretend to have one, but we do have a "home" there.
The point of my story is that it is the graciousness (one of the core tenents of your blog) of our friends and the community where we summer that makes it feel like "home". Unfortunately, neither the spirit of this blog nor the tone of many of the responses reflect that "graciousness" that I have come to expect and appreciate in The Daily Prep blog.
Sorry to be a curmudgeon,
JL
Washington & Lee is the only traditional, "preppy" school left. Truly the last of a dying breed.
I don't see the merit in pointing out that someone is being less than truthful about a place they do not own. They know they are not being completely honest and so do you. Isn't that enough said without speaking a word?
@ Anonymous 9:59 – Since Ole Prof. Ferd is supposedly off skiing, and I don’t have contact information for his agent, I’ll attempt to step in (Not for a minute, however, claiming to be able to fill his tasseled Cordovan Crocket & Jones shoes) and be the heavy. The post you commented on above calls out people who stretch the truth about ownership of property to gain perceived status by inferring they are part of a leisure class fortunate enough to spend summers away in pleasant surroundings with others of their class. It is not about which college is or is not “preppy.” Please, folks, stay on topic…
I'm a newbie to this blog but who is Ferd? Love his sarcasm.
What about Trinity? And any school that would aspire to Preppiness MUST have crew, squash, and fencing. It's only right.
As for summer houses--discomfort is key. My cousin's old place at which we sought adventure, sunburn and Swimmer's Itch every July felt like boat living--the air was humid, the bedding musty, the fog was frequent, and plenty of things often didn't work. But living was soooooooo laid-back and the pace less than half that of home. Badges of honor for us kids were bites from gnats, mosquitoes, sand fleas, and trips to the ER for stitches, proof that Summer was indeed a verb!
There is nothing I hate more than people lying to my face. If I call them out, I am being somehow unsociable. If I sit and take it, I am being walked upon.
Trinity is Preppy. So is Connecticut College. Not all Ivy Schools are Preppy depending on who you ask.
-Princeton: Yes.
-Yale: "That Yale Thing: closeted homosexual, lots of coke..."
-Harvard: Marxist
-Dartmouth: Conservative and a bit Fascist
-Penn: Trendy
-Brown: Neatly wedged between Preppy-dom and Left Wing Commune
-Columbia: symmetrically dull
-Cornell: Preppy Jocks
I find it truly the antithesis of "preppy" to make another person feel inferior or to have to bolster your own self worth by mentioning where you "summer". True preps/Wasps are comfortable in their own knowledge that they are fortunate to be able to vacation at a remarkable property. No need to flaunt or attempt to make others jealous. To do such is simply crass.
Summering. I'd love to truthfully say that I summer on Nantucket or somewhere on the Maine coast. But, we generally summer in someone else's house locally taking care of their pets while they take a week or two in Europe, the West Coast or Timbuktu. I do hope to spend a week on mid-coast Maine this year, when the weather is still somewhat warm.
"Preppy" is a life style with which I am comfortable. Classic, not "modern trendy". What I bought ten years ago doesn't look out of place today, it's in good sometimes understated taste. That goes for clothes, cars, houses, furniture and lots or other things. Not snobbish or as one man put it "hoyti-toyti". Of all the many places I been able to visit I like New England the best. It embodies all the things I enjoy the most. I sail when I can, 'love "good" classical and jazz music. I love to follow you blog. It has all the elements of things I enjoy most. It's authentic. Thanks for another interesting post and the readers great comments.
When people say they "summer" I always have a vision of mom and kids going to beach for the season while dad visits on weekends and wines and dines his girlfriend in the city on weeknights!
(Staunton- home of Mrs. Rowe's!!)
The same embellishment occurs within a geographic area. We have a home that has a water view, it is not beach front or even beach view, but my wife insists on calling it our beach-house. The term makes me squirm when she uses it.
The house is located in Westerly, RI , which is the larger municipality that Watch Hill is located within. I would venture to guess that 60-70% of the homes in Watch Hill are owned and used by those previously described as "idle rich".
I am aware of the difference in localities and have never made the mistake of telling anyone that our home was located in Watch Hill
Love your humor, Muffy! I'm going to listen more closely when comments about "my summer place" come up in the future.
A friend's parents rent the same house every summer, and refer to it as "the lake house." I think it's a nice way to show their love for, and connection to, the area without including a lie. (Especially considering they would be quick to correct you if you mistakenly called it "their lake house.")
-B
Hi Ferd! Unlike you I can't speak for the rest of Muffy's readers or pretend to know what sort of people they are. I can tell you that I am not a preppy. I was not born into old money and did not attend the "right" schools. I also don't aspire to this lifestyle, nor would I try to fool anyone into thinking I am something I'm not by wearing certain brands of clothing or summering in certain locations. I enjoy Muffy's blog for the same reason I enjoy a number of other blogs- because I enjoy the chance to experience lifestyles that differ from my own. I particularly like the photography and glimpses of old New England here, as well as Muffy's ability to call it as she sees it. I have no way of knowing but I would imagine many of her readers feel the same.
Bonnie
What does it matter -- these people who pretend realize they are pretending. Their consciences accuse them; we need not stoop to even notice.
Phew! Gauging from the number of comments, this post really struck a nerve.
I would caution that it can be a little too easy for those who have never, since birth, had to give a second thought to their "station" in life to criticize those who aspire and pretend. The very fact that this gentleman cannot recognize that his location-dropping might be crass or embarrassing indicates that he lacks the perspective to see it as such. Ironically, if he is snubbed by all except those with whom such pretending carries weight, this culture that he represents will only continue to grow itself.
There's a fine line between aspiring and pretending. I have no sympathy for poseurs.
I have a summer home! Actually I have a porch on my winter home but I spend a lot of time there in the summer....
Oh, I do like this. Very well said. I often "summer" in the back yard with the kids in a blow-up pool or sprinkler. I guess I could always don a captains hat and cravat, but that might be somewhat suspect in middle America. Please keep it up because I really enjoy your writing.
Thank you so much for writing a post I have long wanted someone with life experience to write. Coming from old roots, my family has been unable to understand why so many people claim to have a place they don't have, and just riding on their peers/friends coattails. That is really a horrible problem down here with the older schools (just like up north) whether boarding school or collegiate. Why lie when you can just be honest, and then have peers know you are full of it which just makes everyone uncomfortable.
I would never call out anyone I caught in a lie, I usually just say "ah, yes" with a look that let's them know I'm on to them. Lying is a waste of energy - especially when it is supposed make the liar look/seem/act like something they're obviously not. Growing up and living in Michigan, many of us do have a cottage at a lake. Some are family compounds but most are casual cottages for weekend stays. We don't "summer" here, we go on vacation! Keep up the good work, Muffy. cheers! scotmiss
Wow..... way too much to digest. If someone wants to call their place a summer home...and they are only renting it ...who cares? I do agree with a previous poster that, to me, a summer home is multigenerational and has been in the family for at least 1/2 a century.
I would add Middlebury and a few others to the preppy list...and having two children who went to Brown, I have to agree. There is a preppy element, but, also a Euro element, a celebrity element, and possibly a left wing commune element. In my opinion, Princeton is the purist of preppy to me with Sweet Briar, Hampdon-Sydney, Duke, and UVA following.
I know someone who went to Harvard Extension and then onto Harvard Law School. He went to the Harvard graduation and senior class day, etc. ...and is now a full-fledged member of the Harvard Club of Boston. He said many others got into various med schools and business schools. Almost all of his professors were full Harvard professors and he had use of all of the libraries and athletic facilities. To me, that is very old-school Waspy (maybe not Preppy?)....getting the best quality possible....for the least amount of money possible. I have friends whose parents went straight from boarding school to Harvard or Yale. It was a sort of get on the red bus or the blue bus type of thing and had nothing to do with grades and more to do with background and money. If my children were close to college age, I would have them chose this option over a state school or even any Ivy or little Ivy. I think of it as getting a Brooks Brother's blazer or Barbour jacket for 1/4 the price. The real deal is still the real deal ...no matter the cost. ;)
I believe the preppy position in addition to integrity would be to be carefree but not idle
I think in general it's just better not to lie about anything. You'll always end up looking like a fool. No one is impressed by a lying fool.
Erica in Cazenovia, NY
It's far easier to tell the truth. You never have to remember the lies.
As for summering, I was fortunate enough to be sent to the farm of a great aunt and uncle.
To say one "Summers" is just a form of label dropping, like calling your coat "the Barbour" or your car "the Volvo". I go on vacation, I have a coat and I drive a car. People who understand quality will know what you have the others who don't, don't matter.
Nothing really to be said to a person who is making up a tale of "their" summer home. Simply excuse yourself and find someone else to talk to who isn't so desperate. Unless, you are their shrink...
My family owns a "summer home" on Lake Michigan. I don't have any notions that it's "mine", but it is in every respect of the word, my second home. My folks have pictures of me there soon after my birth, and on the boat taking my first sail (two weeks old!). I've slept on the living room floor with my cousins, lined up like little felled trees, me in my Dad's old boy scout sleeping bag. Some of my first words were spoken there, and first steps were on the weathered wood of the old dock. And while adulthood has robbed me of my indulgence, and I can no longer stay the entire summer at the lake house, I take two weeks off every year to refresh the sweetest memories I have.
Ouch, Muffy! Rachel's comment seemed to be aimed at you. Don't you have summer houses, drive Volvos and wear Barbours? Don't listen to them, Muffy. Keep your standards high. Someone has to.
Gosh, I'm a bit surprised and disappointed with the initial blog piece here and with some of responses.
I'm English and I don't have a dog in this particular fight about US snobberies -- it's just that personally I prefer this pleasant corner of the interweb to be free of the narky divisiveness that prevails elsewhere.
@Nick M,
I need some clarification. How is the original post about snobbery? To me this post and many of the comments are about the complexities of relationships of people to properties, and the opening that gives some people to significantly mislead others. Finally, it hits upon the fact that boringness should be a tip off that someone may be dishonest. If you just want pictures of lighthouses and New England churches, I am sure there are better places to go. I count on Muffy to keep the bar high, against the desire of so many to keep lowering it to include everyone and everything.
I married into a family which has had a summer cottage in Northern Canada. The cottage has been in my wife’s family since 1904.
Her family had a very strict rule of guests; there are none, only family.
So neither my brother-in-law or I ever visited before we married into the family.
No one has ever been idle rich, since we all do work for our livelihood the most anyone get’s to visit is a one week to one month each summer. With my in-laws and my wife’s Aunt and Uncle each spending 2-3 months at the cottage now that both couples are retired.
My wife’s family is very proud of the fact that the family has spent each summer there since 1904 with the exception of the war years (1942-1945) when travel was heavily regulated due to rationing.
The cottage consists of a main cabin and 5 sleeping cottages on an island in the Canadian Lakes region.
Believe me, the idle rich would avoid this place like the plague for the following reasons:
1) One very primitive outhouse on the island – enough said.
2) All water must be pumped from a well; no running water.
3) All bathing done in the lake; no hot showers.
4) Laundry is washed in a bucket. There is no electricity on the island. All lighting is by sterno lamps. Cooking is done on a propane stove.
5) Garbage is transported to shore every 2 days by boat. All goods must be boated in.
6) The furniture (with exceptions of a few mattresses) are the original from 1904 and is very uncomfortable. (Yankee thrift prohibits the purchasing new and comfortable furniture because the 1904 furniture is so well built it never breaks).
In a word, it is very primitive and uncomfortable from my point of view. After my first visit the year after we were married, I dreaded visiting the place. It took ten years to muster the courage to tell my wife that I dreaded visiting the place. I just can’t go there anymore. Today my wife visits each summer with her parents and I choose to spend a week hiking in New England and visiting a few minor league ball parks. Our marriage is stronger for that.
To this day, when someone tells me of a summer home, I immediately eye them with suspicion.
I'm loath to inject a note of rationality and common sense into this mêlée, when some folks are having such a fine time chest-beating, scolding, finger-wagging, and ash-smearing at Muffy's "snobbery" and this post's "divisiveness," but things have come to a very pretty pass when the "snob" ceases to be the person telling pretentious and pompous lie intended to aggrandize themselves in the eye of the company, and instead becomes the person who suggests, to borrow a phrase from the drag-queen subculture, "Bitch, please."
My wife always said that people lying about anything - job, interests, accomplishments, whatever - is like a person with plastic surgery. Beyond the tiniest amounts, it just feels wrong. You may not know what is wrong, you just know it is wrong.
As an educator, I put the highest standard on academic honesty and integrity. When talking to people about what they do, however, I expect and even enjoy some fanciful embellishment.
The problem stems from a misunderstanding of Preppy culture and its proper context. I suspect that most casual observers or posers think of Preppies as pure, direct descendents from the English Gentry--the closest thing to a caste system in the United States. So if someone exaggerates their wealth, status or station in life, it simply means they're looking for affirmation from who they believe are the objective standards and arbiters of proper decorum, manners and forms.
Reality is, Edith Wharton already exposed the built-in fallacies of this culture through her works. There's a lot to be said for individuality and non-conformity.
I have a deep fetish for Swedish Cars and vintage J. Press pieces but I refuse to conform to the sneering condescending attitude of crusty old Preppies and their secret fraternal handshakes. My recommendation: mix it up. It's fun, refreshing and dare I say, unconventional?
J.S. Bach is ear candy on Sunday Mornings but Modern Progressive Trance can stimulate your senses.
Barbour Coats are practical for Fox Hunts but seriously, do you intend on driving your vintage Landie Defender 90 through Weston, Ma in search of game? Get real.
So while it may be true that Preppy culture emerged from the domain of WASPs, this doesn't mean you need to endure their humorless, stuck-up approach to everything non-pasty White.
Piss them off and hijack the style I say.
@Kate,
I'm curious, do you teach in a Public School System or an Independent Private School?
If the former, are you beholden to predetermined curriculum set by a board of draconian bureaucrats who insist on the Baconian or Dewey method of teaching? If so, how do you reconcile academic integrity with historical revisionism frequently popularized in Public Schools?
@Anonymous 11:44,
I enjoyed your comment, but want to reply to a few specifics. I believe individuality and non-conformity are relative. There can be infinite variety in outfits that seem the same to others. This is true of the military, corporations, or even countries. Similarly, trying to be a non-conformist or creative within a culture moore often than not comes off as highly predictable from the vantage of another culture or a different time. More importantly, I believe, mostly for better, the age of the fraternal handshake crowd is over. But as standard bearers go away, so to do standards. We are in a world, certainly sartorially, where there is a race to the bottom. Vendors with larger marketing budgets than standards are calling the shots, not creative individuals. And regarding Barbour et al, while I don't plan to go to sea anytime soon, I have found them to be among the best made, best styled garments for that category. Between gear made for the outdoors and outfits made for cubicles, I will take the outdoor. Barbour may go downhill, and if so, I hope to find a tasteful, rugged alternative. I finally believe that anyone who believes Preppy culture to be humorless and stuck-up doesn't understand Preppy culture.
The Land Does Not Belong to Us, We Belong to the Land
@NHN,
A few points...
By invoking individuality, I mean that strict adherence to a particular style denies flexibility, imagination and a modicum of freedom just because entire outfits, heritage pieces and cars were bequeathed from forebears. If indeed, rigid conformity to a confined dress code is the choice then I take no issue with this.
Personally, I like to mix and match between different styles, genres and patterns because of comfort, practicality and individual style. I grew up in a very Preppy culture but I also explored other parts of the world and have worked in very cosmopolitan cities (read: trendy). I've been exposed to different cultures, climates and customs. So while I like to retain some aspect of my Preppy childhood, I think other brands and styles have more to offer in terms of quality.
I grew up wearing Bean but let's face it, it's corporate caricature of its former self. Quality clearly isn't the same anymore and for whatever reason--demand or inflation--the prices seem deliberately high these days.
I prefer Asolo Boots with Vibram soles these days. And when I'm cycling along the Minuteman Trail on my Bianchi, Adidas Sambas.
Volvo's last great cars were the old 240 and 940. The V70 was a hit or miss but most new Volvos are unreliable, inefficient and high maintenance. Unscheduled repairs and electrical issues tend to be the norm.
The Lexus may be soulless and engineered to be joyless but its reliable, bullet-proof and comfortable.
Barbour makes an excellent jacket for long, contemplative walks along the green and grace of rural spaces. But this was my Dad's jacket and I think waxing it every year is time consuming if the Patagonia Shell requires little maintenance.
There you have it, a practical guide to using Preppy culture as starting point and discarding the frivolous and useless.
@Anonymous 12:33,
Well said. :)
@NHN,
I'm a huge fan of Muffy's blog. I think she's a lively writer with serious potential for prose, essays and fiction.
If you believe in a Deity or a Divine Cause, there's seems to a central, gravitating force which transcends time and space. And we're often remind of this through natural beauty and human artistic response to it for "beauty is truth". It follows, for every effect there is a cause.
I guess this is why there has been a Preppy revival in the last few years. It's a reminder of untarnished innocence, purity and endless days playing in the lush, green lawn.
Contrast this with current reality of barbarism in mainstream Hollywood, vulgarity in music, pornography in best sellers and soft despotism in politics and its no surprise that people are clutching to vestiges of their childhood.
This is why I visit this blog even though I may be guilty of being a Preppy apostate or in the modern vernacular, Igby. Quality for its own sake.
Just wanted to add: hilarious post!
@Annon,
True, and again, well said. There may also be a cumulative desire for timelessness or at least endurance, outside of nostalgia. Similarly, simplicity with depth hopefully can shape the direction of progress.
To Anon 12:33 - I must, must disagree with your Volvo assessment. Although I do agree they never looked better than the 240s and 740/940s, I have had nine of them (mostly wagons) and not a moment's trouble. I have always followed their maintenance schedule and always taken them to the dealer for work. I have never had an unscheduled repair, even with the newer ones, and while they won't win any milage awards, I would not call them inefficient.
Slippery slope with a Lexus. Next you will be saying that the North Face keeps you as warm as Patagonia and Uggs serve the same purpose as the L.L. Bean boots. :)
But I wouldn't say it is using the Preppy culture as a starting point and then discarding the frivolous and useless. It seems more like just discarding it.
We pretty much all agreed here that Lisa Birnbach ruined "True Prep" by trying to be too PC and include everyone and everything. My hat is off to Muffy, Ferd, and those of like mind who have not caved in to this.
Muffy's core value of "Authenticity" I feel is the entire point of her original post. Anybody who feels their fudge-factor a bit disenfranchised by that, well--as we used to say, "Put it in your ditty bag!" (or words to that effect).
@Greenfield - Your nod to me aside (although I am personally most grateful) your contributions to this blog are so very valuable - knowing, funny and deeply appreciated.
I am not sure what "preppy" really is.
But I do enjoy Muffy's blog and admire her thoughts on "authenticity - stewardship - graciousness".
Your comments are every bit as interesting as your blog! You really need to write every single day, Muffy. (no pressure)
Our family friends have a Volvo at their summer house that has over 240,000 miles on it and it's still going strong. When I say summer house, I don't mean their favorite rent. It fact, they own the whole island it's on.
Dear Muffy Land, I write from an Air India 757 fleeing Europe for Mumbai. As today’s first lesson, know that there are few more civilized than an Air India steward. One could be persuaded to stay on the Subcontinent until learning that more than 400,000,000 Indians do not use toilets. But I divagate.
Ready Daily Prep in recent months only serves to confirm Churchill’s view on humanity, “we are all worms”. (I however, not unlike Winston, believe
myself to be a glow worm). Or was it Walter Scott who observed “ If you build a barn and fill it with grain you will get mice, but if you build a barn and leave it empty you will get actors”.
Our culture is empty, hence our world and this blog are full of actors, some great (me, for example) and most, not so much. I sincerely do not wish to brochette Muffy’s faithful but does not a soul other than I drown in the irony of these comments? Many of you have fallen all over yourselves to establish your personal bona fides as legitimate Summer Place owners, almost as if to place yourself at that dinner table with Ms. Aldrich ready to chime in “I really own a Summer Place!” If it weren't so sad, one could take true offense.
Dear friends, take heed from Franklin D: “we are all immigrants”. None of you will ever be able to posture long enough or well enough to avoid the mirror of modern reality. We are actors on a stage, strutting about in our Norwegian sweaters and Gold Cup Top Siders but in the end, just worms, one way or another.
Farewell.
Muffy:
Good lord, a second house? I must have the wrong friends! Between my wife and I we hold four degrees and we feel lucky to be able to rent the apartment we have. The number of self-defensive/accusatory responses is telling of how the American nation character has changed for the worse.
These responses are symptomatic of a larger problem with our country and quite frankly we can't stomach it anymore. It's why we're moving to Europe within the year.I am sad to leave but a compelling argument can me made as to why this country is deteriorating in all sorts of ways...
Ferd:
I've found some of your previous comments mean-spirited and not particularly funny despite their snark, but I must admit that your latest is spot on (and quite amusing, to boot).
I too am looking askance at the many who are eager to brag about their humility and lack of pretension with an utter insensitivity to the irony of the situation.
I appreciate Ferd's: "If you are smart enough to understand what I am saying, you are smart enough to realize that I am so smart that I know I am not very smart at all!"
Greenfield is totally right about True Prep. It was something that I had forgotten. Probably because I have tried to forget the entire book.
And as for Ferd....what can I say? Only thank you.
@Anon 6:07,
My assessment on Volvo is based on anecdotal accounts, experience from family members over transmission issues and other faulty parts, conversations with mechanics and alarming complaints on industry sites. In such a broad sampling pool, it's implausible to chalk these persistent quality problems as a failure of diligent maintenance. You're probably more attuned with Volvo cars than most neophytes.
The lesson, if you turn the Hot Water lever on the sink, you should expect Hot Water to inevitably flow, assuming bills are paid to the Energy Cartel and the plumbing is efficient.
That said, I expect to drive my nouveau riche wagon, the Lex RX 350 to the ground without much agony or dent in the retirement portfolio. :)
But you are correct. Compromises can lead to an unthinkable impact to one's personal style and identity. In my fervent revolt against tribalism, the Obama Administration and relativism, I rely on good sense, sound experience and a bit of bravado as a filter and compass.
If it's comfortable, durable, rugged in the Heritage-Legacy sense and fairly understated, the item in question will be considered.
If it's effeminate (death to Whale Pants!), vulgar, made in a developing SE Asian country ruled by an American-planted despot and marketed to Birnbach's core readers, I will cringe, laugh, cry and walk away.
So if I'm meeting with Clients, I wear J.Press. No substitutes.
If I'm outdoors, it's Patagonia, Triple Aught Design, vintage Bean and Asolo Boots.
This obviously disqualifies me from being a true Prep but hey...
"Farewell."
Goodbye Ferd. If you find nothing but emptiness here at TDP, you will find the same emptiness in India. Or in a library. Or standing on the beach, looking out. Emptiness finds emptiness. Physics.
This house belongs to Muffy and Clark, we are guests. They've opened their door so we can look around their boat, their china cabinet, freshly baked muffins and pies, jaunts up and down the coast, handbags and wristbands, trips down to the dairy, meet their ancestors.
Yes, some people are fortunate, some are not; some are born into this family, others are born into that family. This is a culture blog, Muffy is detailing a New England culture from the ground, on the ground, she has never pretended to be anyone but who/how she is.
It seems so obvious: if the material here is too much to take, if the gag reflex is rising, take up your mouse and go click.
-Flo
I'm just smiling thinking of Muffy sitting back, sipping her tea and nibbling her freshly baked muffin and roaring with laughter.
It has been quite enlightening reading all these posts. Some defensive, some snarky.
We're talking about something that is so inconsequential. I love Muffy's blog for the beautiful photography, coastal villages and lifestyle tips. Summer houses? Who has one? Who doesn't? Not so much. I look forward to her next post.
Thank you, Flo.
I am at a loss that individuals would feel the need to criticize a blog site that they are not compelled to read. If one objects to the content, the comments, the view point--whatever--just leave the blog and don't come back. Simple.
Readers find community in many ways--that is how the Internet has grown and developed. If one finds community here, that is enough.
TDP, for me, is not curing cancer or feeding the starving. It is where I come to take a break from cancer and starvation in the world.
They will be there when I sign off of TDP. I am grateful for Muffy's efforts and for the respite.
When some people bring their own baggage to the entry, they misperceive the content of the entry. This is not about who has a summer house and who does not. Nor is it, as some people think, about privileged people trying to maintain the currency of their bragging rights. Rather, it is about diffusing the toxic one-upsmanship in two different ways: it is about dispelling some common whoppers and also about admitting some tough realities about actual access/ownership.
I don't own a Summer Home in a desirable, affluent resort area. My family line can't be traced to the Mayflower. I think squash, golf and tennis are dull activities. The only private club I belong to was established by my fine Alma mater which I only use for business development lunches. But I absolutely adore this blog for the very reason why this essay was posted: authenticity.
I think people who took umbrage over the topic view the virtue of honesty and integrity as a threat or indictment against them. It's not.
Muffy makes this very clear and unambiguous on this site. Her intention I believe is to celebrate and preserve tradition. In this regard, she holds a very high opinion of personal honesty as a tradition or cardinal virtue. Find fault with this, I dare you.
So let's not conflate this with something it's obviously not. It's not a pissing contest. It's not a rejoinder against the 99%.
Ferd got it right. Prep is a mindset and something one is born into. People can acquire things and uphold objective moral standards of right and wrong but being Preppy means more than just nova check patterns and boarding schools.
I share their interest, style and traditions but I'm definitely no Preppy. In the spirit of authenticity, let's call out B.S. for what it is and enjoy Muffy's perspective on life in New England.
"I write from an Air India 757 fleeing Europe for Mumbai"
"My agent finally reached me in Prague"
"Back to the slopes now at Lipno."
Hmmmmmm Ferd.................you criticize Muffy for her so called "snobbery", but you sure as heck made sure we all knew where you were, places that most people would only dream of going. To quote Pee Wee Herman--"I am not and so are you!"
And as the other Flo wrote, if you don't like it here, you don't have to come here. It's Muffy's blog and she can write what she wants, and she graciously lets us read it, and post our comments. That red X up in the upper right hand corner-it has a purpose, just like the on/off button on your television. Oh, that's right, someone as intelligent and well cultured as you wouldn't watch television like the rest of us poor indigent slobs!
Most criticisms/disagreements in the comments section are aimed at other readers, not Muffy.
The Irish have a saying: "Sarcasm is a term of endearment". But this I presume is predicated on delivery. However, Ferd knows the audience. Most people "get" him--his irony, wit, biting criticisms and minor attempts at self-effacement.
He's molded from the Old Guard and thinks Birnbach's M.O. of "inclusiveness" does a serious injustice to his germ-free notion of etymology, the Social Register and eugenics (I kid!). Elitism can be amusing if properly delivered.
For Students of History, Ferd is about 92% correct. Go to primary sources or spend time, energy and focus on the well-researched book "Albion's Seed" by David Hackett Fischer. When Ferd ridiculed our Southern readers, he was actually on the money.
Your picture of sand and sea is one of the best.
BarbaraG
Hi:
I enjoy reading this post and over 100 comments. What a community. I am not Preppy and do not aspire to be one. I am Asian, drives Lexus, wear black during the day, never went to boarding school or attended a Ivy and live in New Jersey. But I love Muffy's blog. I learn a great deal about this part of the culature and love to know her opinions on things including this post. It's part of the culture, isn't it? Thanks, Muffy! I hope you continue to write your thoughts whether it maybe offensive to others or not.
We summered in a Volvo 240, that my 12th grandparents came over from England in.
Pantheon of Prep Cars:
1. Volvo 240 Wagon. This was nearly ubiquitous in New England during my childhood from Dover to Brookline. It did it all--hauled kids from soccer games to piano recitals, carried Americana pieces found in the Topsfield Fair and delivered pies baked fresh from Wilson's Farm in Lexington. If you can find one, treat it with delicate affection and obsessive care.
2. Land Rover Defender 90 or 110. Don't be an idiot or Jersey Shore resident and buy the newer Land Rovers. They're nothing more than an expensive accessory for people who would never take them off road. Go with the real thing instead and find a reputable dealer to source a vintage model for you. This is the SUV Papa Hemingway drove around Africa with.
3. Toyota Land Cruiser. If you intend to go non-European, consider the Land Cruiser. It's reliable and durable--the type of car that makes you look intelligent without being snooty. It's the ride of choice for off-the-beaten-path freedom fighters in Third World countries.
4. Saab. Pre-GM only for residents on the Vineyard and the People's Republic of Cambridge.
5. Jeep CJ. Rugged, classy and iconic. But don't over modify with after market parts.
Honorable Mention:
-MB 300 E Wagon from the late 1980's
-BMW 5 Series Wagon from the 90's
-Subaru Outback
I get that this is a blog about New England but I see no need for other readers to ridicule anyone from any other region. Regardless of what part of the US you are from if your roots are in the British Isles or you are an Anglophile you can relate to TDP. I'd rather celebrate our similarities than nitpick over our differences. Good Lord this isn't High School/Prep School let's just leave the drama behind and have a fun time enjoying this wonderful blog that has enriched all our lives.
@WRJ - To answer your earlier question, it is not, but I completely agree with you.
I think it's extremely sad that someone feels the need to lie about ownership of a summer home. Almost breaks my heart, but I'm an old softy.
Oh my God! How can anyone criticize the old Volvos? Fantastic cars.
I had a 740GLE that ended up with around 200,000+ miles on it. I loved that thing, man; changed out fluids, replaced brakes, and even--thump on my manly chest here---changed the damn timing belt myself. Excellent car.
We had a nice 240 wagon that got killed/totalled by a deer. We'd only had it about two years; we regret the loss greatly---it was a very useful car.
You might recall the title, since I cannot, but I read about two years ago a study that showed that Ivy League graduates really WEREN'T that statistically different in their real-world results than other graduates. The real thing in 2013 that counts are connections: with our wired-in world, we are perversely less likely to be open to new contacts and simply stick to the old ones, less likely to explore new venues but stick to the ones we know.
Heck, Muffy, got to go. Squash in a half hour.
Kudos to the timing belt change!
My cadet blue Volvo 240DL, 22 years old, still does not have 100,000 miles on it! It has been retired to the Craic Shack, and I will probably be dead before it comes anywhere close. I really want that grill badge......
My summer place in the early 1960s was Kennebunkport Maine. My family stayed in a pretty cheap but pleasant motel. It was a little working fisjing port back then with a few run down resort hotels and everyplace in town needed a coat of paint. There was a bait shop in the middle of town (now a busy fried seafood place) The old drugstore on the corner is still ther. A last relic. All the shops are now hoitytoity boutiques. GHW bought the place on WQalker Point from I think his father in law. The locals had something to say about that back in the 1980s. I've gotten a bit richer and the town has gotten a lot richer, but I still think of it as my summer place. Only beach in the world where you can go in August and come out shivering. My summer place.
Tom? From GoPreppy??! Fancy seeing you here! It's Caroline! Hope you are doing well. I'm still in NYC with 2 kids now. I always think of you and your Hokpins recommendation.
The comments are better than the post! Way to create a spirited conversation. Very enjoyable reading.
It's nice to know this kind of false, thirst for upward mobility is present in all countries, not just in England.
I generally find it easy to tell the difference between those try and those who truly do have a heritage in their family (not that it bothers me either way).
There is often too much effort in people trying to appear something they are not. Too many dropped names, places, as if having to qualify everything.
The people who really do have family estates etc, rarely mention it, why would they, it doesn't seem particularly noteworthy to them.
I spent a summer in Cape Cod as a child on a family holiday, we rented a lovely house. And what I find funny looking back, and reading the comments on this article, is that a lot of the towns in Cape Cod are named after the parts of England from which settlers left. They don't always provide equal counterparts in terms of charm.
Chatham for instance, which has been mentioned here might be lovely, but in the UK is a particularly dull town, famed for delinquent youths!
@Josh - I thank you for your British perspective and love the Chatham bit!
This is an interesting post to me as my dad's side of the family has a few houses we all use for the purpose of "getting away." We refer to them by "what" they are, rather than "where" they are. Example: The Lake Cottage. I like this romantic, yet un-fussed way of stating a claim to a place; it's fairly sweet. Still, I once slipped and saidI "summered" somewhere to my husband when we were first dating and he has never let me live it down.
Hello, Mr. Collins, Caroline Bingley & Lady Catherine De Bourgh! Take care, lest we sound like we've taken the last train to Snootsville! This blog is fascinating. I found it when I was looking online for American made traditional clothing for women. Now I keep checking in for the cultural conversation. I think social climbing has always existed and always will, and that people go to extremes in order to fit into the "set" they aspire to. I grew up in Northwestern CT. Our clothes, houses, schools and camps were what we saw as normal. It wasn't until I was away at school that I realized social climbing existed. He was a young man from an exclusive Fairfield County town, whose father was a chauffer. He grew up on the "wrong side of the tracks," and felt it horribly. He was obsessed with escaping his background, and sought to do so via lifestyle & clothing choices...very Talented Mr. Ripley. Young & inexperienced though I was at the time, I instintively knew that there was something odd about him, and found it annoying that he was always trying to attach himself to my group of friends. One night my boyfriend (uber-prep) laid into Mr. Ripley about fussing so much over his clothes, and his art portfolio, and dorm room decor...basically telling him to relax...that we would like him better if he weren't so pretentious. But it had little effect. I ran into him years later, and he was still playing the same games. Since then, I've met people from CT who had legally changed their last name from Eastern European to one that was more waspy; a lady who wanted to get the name of the person who built the stone walls around our 18th century house so she could have ones like it at her Mcmansion, etc. The prep schools are filling up with children from abroad so they can acquire the proper connections, patina, and background. I can see why Muffy and many contributers here have a siege mentality. A way of life seems to be drifting away under a phony veneer, and it is becoming difficult not only to find the clothes, but the vestiges of a lifestyle that was once so clearcut and distinct. Ah, well...
vivat nostra viam vitae! Oh and about Volvos...in 1980, my father purchased 2 1968 Volvo 145 station wagons ~ one for my sister, and one for me. Mine was the best car ever...dark green with saddle leather interior, an awesome tape style speedometer, a very simple motor. Somehow Volvo hunted me down & mailed me a mileage medallion & bars for the grill. I drove it for years, and two of my brothers drove it after me. It ended up swapped to a farmer, where it now lives on as part of a chicken coop.
Caroline from gopreppy: Oh my gosh. I do remember crashing and burning eventually. I am now happily married to the classics translator and poet Sarah Ruden (read her poetry that often appears in the National Review). Or read what Gary Wills from Northwestern has to say about her translation of the Aeneid. I am so happy to learn that you are doing well and thriving.
Apologies to Muffy for carrying on a private conversation here but Caroline is a legendary character from an early internet website about prepdom. Maybe Muffy can figure out a way for us to link up again. All my best thoughts. Tom
Caroline from gopreppy: Drop me a line at ycontmc@yahoo.com if you like. It would be nice to hear from you. Tom
I'm late to this discussion but just stumbled across this exquisitely-written and fascinating blog last night.
I suspect very few people are impressed by those who feel compelled to embroider on reality. If they can lie about this, what else will they lie about? It's not necessary to point out to them that they are lying, of course, but knowing they are gives you a certain power.
Authenticity in all its guises is best.
I feel very fortunate to have rented one lovely vacation home twice, but I will never claim that it is my house.
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