Reader Questions - Men's Clothing, Wool Sweater Softening

Bills Khakis; Leather Man Belts; Brooks Brother's Shirts; J. Press Navy Blazer and Tweed Jacket (both jackets about 23 years old)

I get a lot of questions.  I thought these would be answered well by the community.



1. Dear Muffy, I have been following your blog for some months now from my soon-to-be-ending exile abroad, and I truly appreciate the cornucopia of information you provide to your readers on so many subjects: clothing, skiing, sailing, village life, all accompanied by gorgeous photography. The reason I am writing this post is that I am in a quandary about my wardrobe. Due to my career, I've lived abroad for some 20 years now, but I’ll soon be returning to the States. In my official capacity, I've worn mostly suits to the office (no “work casual”) and for evening hours and weekends, I've managed to keep enough men’s preppy essentials to kit me out over time. The problem I am having is that since I've been away, I really have no idea how to do preppy “business casual” in America. I’ll be consulting with physicians and academics, and so suits, at least for everyday wear, are out. I must look “professional,” but at this point in my 40s, I’m not sure anymore what “professional” means. I've seen colleagues in jeans, tee shirts, khakis (creased) and wool trousers, kempt and unkempt; in short, anything seems to go. I feel as if I've crawled out from a cave and now must navigate this strange, new world back home. How does one strike the right balance these days between looking professional at the office in an environment of “business casual”? (P.S. Thank you for any thoughts you may have in this direction.)

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2. Hey Muffy, Having both of my parents, as Princeton graduates, and while living in CT my whole life, I have been exposed to a lot of "ivy" culture and style as well. I've studied your blog like its my religion, and I have to say, I think it's amazing. I've taken many bots of advice from it and have incorporated them into my own style although I often come to the curiosity of if I am dressing a bit to old for my age. My style resembles my father more and more each day. Haha. I was wondering, being seventeen, are there things I should keep in mind when shopping preppy, things I should avoid, or look for? I see my friends wearing more Polo Ralph Lauren and Vineyard Vines. I sometimes think my taste far exceeds the years that I have! Is it inappropriate for someone of my age cherishing my Quoddy mocs and my Brooks Brothers chinos? Or are there things I should think about being a preppy male teen, as I do feel like I dress a little older than my age sometimes.

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3. Thanks so much for the thorough review on Norwegian sweaters. Although I have enjoyed LL Bean sweaters for years I have never owned one of these - until this week. Which brings up my question: I found one of the original 80% wool 20% nylon sweaters at a thrift store - it is the charcoal version with teal and purple stitching. It was beautiful, looked new, and the LL Bean label sealed the deal. But when I tried to wear it I found it to be very rough - like coarse steel wool. I was wearing it over a cotton tee shirt and, when I took off the sweater, the tee had quite a few gray fibers stuck to it. My guess is the sweater was never washed - since I live in the AZ desert, it may well have been lying in a drawer for 25-30 years (judging by the colors). So my question is: Did you find that single, or even multiple, washings were necessary to soften the original sweaters to remove loose fibers and/or make the sweaters more comfortable to wear? Just for reference, I don't have a problem wearing other wool sweaters - even Shetland wool - over a tee, or lambs wool/merino/cashmere on bare skin. But the Norwegian was prickly even through the tee. Thanks for any help you can offer - the geekier the better.

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4. What are thoughts on Vineyard Vines?  Tommy Hilfiger? J. Crew?

The Great Lie: "My summer house in..."

I was at a dinner party in southern New England the other night and someone casually referred to "my summer house on Nantucket."  In fact, his in-laws have a time-share for two weeks each year.  It can start young in some families; a few weeks ago, a fourth grader referred to his summer house on the Cape in a report, which was instead a friend's house at which they spent a few days over the course of a few summers.  And my mother's neighbor had a needlepoint rug made of a house she rented in Northeast Harbor.

A far too oft used lie is "My summer house in... ".

There are gray areas in ownership and accurate language to be sure.  When a grandparents' house is split between three kids, who each had three kids, might you authentically refer to it as "my place", especially if you  have spent many summers there? Probably?

In more situations, however, there is a greater differences between the reality and what is later implied.  This is the next step up from the day trippers or weekend renters who spend their entire time taking pictures of themselves,  if not to outright lie to their online "friends," certainly to actively misdirect with the goal of eliciting envy.

So, when people refer to "our summer house" they may be referring to...

a) Their house...
b) Their parent's house...
c) Their grandparent's house...
d) An aunt or uncle's house...
e) A friend or neighbor's house...
f) Any of the above's time-share...
g) A rented house...
h) A rented room...
i) A stranger's house that looked nice...

...where they...

1) ...Spend endless, carefree summers of sailing and swimming...
2) ...Spent endless summers, but is no longer in the family...
3) ...Spend a week every year...
4) ...Stayed twice...
5) ...Stayed once...
6) ...Drove by, got out to take pictures while the engine was still running...

...with...

A) ...Loved ones...
B) ...Extended family...
C) ...Really extended family...
D) ...Many roommates per bed/bathroom...

...because they...

I) Have a deep connection to and sense of stewardship for the region.
II) Want to siphon off some of the reputation of the area.

Later offshoots of "preppy" get two, richly deserved criticisms.  Some people see it as the style of the spoiled and entitled, interested primarily in perpetuating some privileged position by extracting value from everyone else.  But today, it is more likely adopted by people who want others to misperceive them as being "carefree, idle rich".  The tell for the latter category is not some sartorial or verbal slip, but simply how boring these "authenticity challenged" people inevitably end up being.  Liars at best can be highly engaging in the short term but, like a reality television star-du-jour, get trite very quickly.

In places with history and patina, ownership is more often fuzzy than not.  A friend whose family owns a two hundred and fifty acre island in the middle of Penobscot Bay told me she literally sits in the house all summer fearing if she left for any period of time,  some family member would come in and take it over. And then there is the house that is owned by one's family, but rented out for the entire summer and the owners only use it for a few weeks off-season.

When Precious...

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“I revolted by becoming a sensitive person, which I am not. I hate folk music. I don't care for most of the sensitive people I feel obligated to hang out with...

I pour a round of Lowenbrau, being careful not to pour along the side but straight down so the beer can express itself, and they say, “Did you ever try Dockendorf?” It’s made by the Dockendorf family from hand-pumped water in their ancient original family brewery in an unspoiled Pennsylvania village where the barley is hauled in by Amish families who use wagons with oak beds. Those oak beds give Dockendorf its famous flavor.  

These beer bores, plus the renovators of Victorian houses, the singer-songwriters, the runners, the connoisseurs of northern Bengali cuisine, the collectors of everything Louis Armstrong recorded between August 1925 and June 1928, his seminal period—they are driving me inexorably toward life as a fat man in a bungalow swooning over sweet-and-sour pork. ”  

- Garrison Keillor, Lake Wobegon Days

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(Having noted that, Saranac Root Beer really is quite tasty. My gratitude to my good friend Mr. Potter for always bringing some back.)

Dispatch from my Father: Camden Windjammers, 1964

Photos by my father             .

Camden Windjammer cruises have been (and remain) favorites of my family and friends.  Here are (a lot) of photographs that my father took  from one of them in the summer of 1964.  On this particular trip, he was on the Mercantile, now a National Historic Landmark.  Built in 1916,  and restored in 1989, she is still in service today with Maine Windjammer Cruises, the first and oldest fleet.

The Schooner Mattie

I want every item he is wearing.

Going ashore on Campbell Island for a Driftwood  Fire Clambake

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Here is the context for this previously used picture of my father shaving.

As my father called it, there was "plenty of he-ing and she-ing."

Pumpkin Island Lighthouse, at the Northwestern End of  Eggemoggin Reach near Little Deer Isle

My Father, Up The Mast

He never encountered a mast up which he wasn't willing to go.  I did not get that gene.

Downtown Camden in 1964 was where Peyton Place. was filmed seven years earlier

My father on the bowsprit.

*A dear family friend wrote:

Thanks to you, I have just spent the early morning in the salt water and air enjoying the decks of ships with your father. I'll 'visit' this again many times.   

The Windjammers may see more sailors this summer. I hope they have as wonderful memories as I have from three outings with my folks. I can still smell the coffee on deck before dawn and the woodfire baking bread  for the day. Sounds, too, of the islands waking up. Birds, maybe a barking dog, maybe a bell...and the wonderful creaking of the wooden ship.

*Added after this entry was posted.